Once again this morning I find myself at that place of awe, humility and wonder at the love of God. Believe me when I tell you that the day did not start out that way. I assure you, and if you could chat with Brett he would be quick to confirm for you, that I began my morning quite consumed with myself. (Check the comments on the side because he may confirm without your asking!) In fact, I would say I have spent the last several days wallowing around in “all that is Bunny”. Praise God that He wants more for me “than me” and refuses to abandon me to my own mind. Read that last sentence carefully. I am not saying that God wants more for me than I WANT for me, I am saying that God wants more for me “than me.” He knows that if I am to live, move, and find my being in Him, I have to live beyond myself.
If you have any propensity to become too introspective or self-absorbed, you’ve experienced the tremendous sense of relief that follows a readjustment of your vision. You’re familiar with the freedom that comes from being set loose from yourself and you know what it means to have the weight of “you” removed from your shoulders. Unfortunately, if you’re well acquainted with those things you are also in a tighter relationship than you want to be with what I am going to call the “consumption cycle.”
Your “consumption cycle” will be triggered by different things than mine but I firmly believe that once it is set in motion, we will pack our bags and travel hand in hand down the same well-worn path. Maybe your consumption cycle begins with pouring your love and energy into preparing a meal for your family only to have it go totally unnoticed by a single soul. Not a thank you, not a “good job Mom”, nothing. Funny thing is that most often that kind of thing doesn’t sting your heart at all. But this time, it hurts and your mind begins to chat with your heart about how unappreciated you are. You wonder if you are significant and worse, a part of you believes that you are not.
Perhaps your consumption cycle starts its journey in the workplace. You never complain about the workload, always go above and beyond the necessary task, and still, it seems as if you’re invisible. Just another number, plugging away and easily replaced. Your brain begins to tell you that you are nothing special and pretty soon you are listening to every word. You hear the refrain and your security is shaken.
Or it might be that your trigger lies much closer to home? Hidden somewhere at the back of your heart in a big steamer trunk marked “the past” are memories that periodically try to crawl out of the mothballs surrounding them. Something occurs and you find yourself engulfed by old emotions with a nearly uncontrollable desire to disappear. Everything in your head screams that you are unfit and unacceptable to serve Him.
Those three things are as important to our souls as food is to our bodies.
I certainly join you in praising God if you have come to the point in your faith journey where you consistently look to God for your worth, but if you vacillate now and then and just reading the words makes you wince a little, I want you to know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If no one around you will admit that they do not have it all together, Sister, you come have coffee with me and I promise you, you will leave with absolute assurance that you have company in your struggles. Even though the times are fewer and farther between than they used to be, there are still times when my mind turns on itself and I simply must choose to know what I know regardless of what my eyes perceive or my heart feels.
The sense of being less than you were created to be is nothing new. Adam and Eve were created with their significance, their security, and their acceptance intact. They chose to sin and for the first time they experienced fear, isolation, and alienation. This is the heritage that they passed on to their descendants. Girlfriend, that’s us. We’re the ones they deeded that property to. I don’t know about you, but that is not a place I want to live and praise His Name, that isn’t the piece of land He has chosen for me. He died so that my boundary lines would fall in pleasant places and indeed, because of Christ, I have a beautiful inheritance. Those who have accepted Jesus are seated with Him in the heavenly realms and they are, without a doubt, significant, secure and accepted and Beloved, He says it often enough and plainly enough that even those who only speak “thick-headed” can understand.
He doesn’t say only once that in Christ you are fully accepted.
He repeats Himself.
He doesn’t limit His announcement of your security through Jesus.
He says it again and again.
And He doesn’t restrain Himself in proclaiming the significance the
Savior has purchased for you.
See, no matter how many times I succumb to the “consumption cycle” I cannot change the truth concerning the redeemed of God. He will not abandon me to myself. So until my faith becomes sight and I truly possess my Promised Land, I pray for the desire to live beyond myself and I praise Him that He wants more for me “than me.” Girlfriend, do not settle for yourself!