Unfortunately, the health issues I described in The God of More. . . .Much More have continued to challenge me and the all the sweet people I do life with. The follow-up tests revealed more areas for concern and the Biddinger Crew were, to say the least, taken a little off guard by the results. Maybe you’ve noticed the lack of posts in the last bit. I honestly haven’t known what to say. Not on the blog and not in life. I can’t really put into words the gamut of emotions I have run as I have considered it all but I can share with you that they have pooled in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks on more than one occasion. So, I’ve kind of withdrawn so that my tears aren’t misinterpreted or used by the enemy to shake another’s faith. Does that make sense?
See, I truly am thankful for the opportunity to find out if I live what I say and to have my faith grow. I look back and I see how tenderly God has been preparing me for this and He gave me the added blessing of writing much of it down on Glimpsed Glory. Unchallenged = Unchanged. God’s revelation of the well to Hagar. The unimaginable inheritance of Rahab. His absolute “Thereness”. The list goes on. He has set my feet firmly in His Word. Praise His Holy Name.
But as thankful as I am and as certain that I am that this trial will serve His purpose, I confess that I wonder what it’s going to look like and how many times I’m going to have to remind myself that my thoughts are not the same as His – His are always better. How often will I repeat Paul’s words that I may be hard pressed but I am not crushed, I may be perplexed but I am not in despair because my Jesus is with me? I don’t know. And I don’t want to over dramatize because I have no idea how it will all shake out. It might turn out to be not much and it might turn out to be much. I don’t know.
But He does and in the midst of it all, I have felt a quiet joy and steadfast love that can only come from Him. I’ve heard myself thank Him for the trial and the chance to cling to Him. What a blessing. I know that the desire to praise and walk strong are gifts straight from His Holy Heart because apart from Him that Spirit of joy and strength just doesn’t live in me. Probably doesn’t make much sense to someone looking from the outside, but Him blessing me with the chance to stand firm in Him gives me such a sense of His good pleasure falling on me. I sense His Presence in a different way.
And He has gone to such amazing lengths to reach out to me and talk to me – heart to heart. He has listened to my prayers and lavished me with peace. He heard my crying and whispered love over me. He truly has spoken my language through the tenderness of the Saints and His Word. He KNOWS me and He has met me, with Grace abounding and Love immeasurable, at every turn.
Sweet Friend, Dear One, Beloved in the Faith, He wants you to take Him, to take His Word, personally. He KNOWS you. His eye does not fall simply on mankind in a general way. His attention and His affection are firmly fixed on you. I know this to be true because I have heard His Voice in the pages of His Word. Seek Him. Reach for Him. He will be found.
Shout with joy to God, all the earth!
Sing the glory of his name;
Make his praise glorious!
Father I join with all creation to declare that you are El Roi – the God who sees me. You are Jehovah-Jireh the God who provides for me. You, Lord, are my Banner and I will praise Your Name.
Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!
Bless Your Holy Name for the miracles You have done O Lord. I give you blessing and glory and honor for my rescue, my salvation and my rest. Too numerous are the mighty works you have performed to count, but I acknowledge that every good thing comes from Your nail-scarred Hand.
So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you.
For You made a public spectacle of them and crushed the head of death at the cross. How your enemy must have cowered as you emerged victorious from the tomb. In the Name of Jesus, I am protected from the evil one and all of creation will be delivered when He speaks.
All the earth bows down to you;
They sing praise to you,
They sing praise to your name.
I join in nature’s resound and day and night my mouth will pour forth your praise. I will declare Your Glory and testify to the work of Your Hands as faithfully as the voice of the skies proclaim them. I believe you Lord to be YOU.
Come and see what God has done,
How awesome his works in man’s behalf!
I am utterly amazed at the soul restoration You have blessed this woman with. Your grace abounds — unending and undeserved. You lavish me with love and call me child. Oh Lord, if I had been told of the miracles you would perform in my heart, it would have been to wonderful for me to comprehend. May I never tire of saying “Come and see what He has done with a wretch like me.”
He turned the sea into dry land,
They passed through the waters on foot—
Come, let us rejoice in him.
There is no challenge I face larger than you. Though the water may threaten on every side I trust that Your Holy Hand will not let a drop fall on me without purpose. And I rejoice that nothing is impossible for my God and all things are possible for those who believe. Help me overcome my unbelief Lord.
He rules forever by his power,
His eyes watch the nations—
Let not the rebellious rise up against him.
Despite what my human eyes perceive You are not now nor have you ever been struggling with the enemy. Your power knows no bounds and cannot be constrained. Your watchful eye is always firmly fixed upon me as surely as it is the nations. Your attention and Your affection never change. Let no rebellious thought convince me otherwise.
Praise our God, O peoples,
Let the sound of his praise be heard;
He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping.
For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver.
Let the display of the work You have done in my life cause those You have blessed me with to give you praise. You have indeed set my feet on solid ground and fixed my feet firmly on the path. Your Word has strengthened my steps and you have blessed me with the chance to look my faith in the face. Your Presence has made me strong. Your love has steadied me.
You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs.
You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance.
This temporal skin cannot hold captive Your glory nor can any physical limitation restrain Your Spirit. How wonderful that this fire has come and this water washed over me so that my faith may grow and be proved genuine to my own heart and to those around me. I KNOW that You are who You say You are and I will live hemmed in by Your Faithfulness. It is the place of true abundance.
I will come to your temple with burnt offerings and fulfill my vows to you—
vows my lips promised and my mouth spoke when I was in trouble.
I will sacrifice fat animals to you and an offering of rams; I will offer bulls and goats.
The sacrifice of bulls and rams is not necessary for me because the Blood of my Jesus has done it all. He has shielded me with Grace and welcomed me into the Most Holy Place to rest under the refuge of Your wings. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. I am secure in Your Presence.
Come and listen, all you who fear God;
let me tell you what he has done for me.
The Blood of Love has paid my price. The Blood of Love has made me new. Let all the heavenlies hear, the Blood of Love has given me life. Though I have not seen Him, I love Him and my heart is filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. I have heard the Voice of Love and my heart has been set free.
I cried out to him with my mouth;
his praise was on my tongue.
The fears of my heart flowed from my mouth and I offered Him thanks that nothing takes Him off guard and that He is always at work for my good. I praised His Name and He gave me peace that surpassed my understanding to guard my heart and my mind.
If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;
but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.
Oh how I thank you Lord that You do not give up on me. You continue to shine your light on my life and heal every disease that is revealed. There is no condemnation. There is no shame. For You listen to me O Lord and You whisper Love to my soul. You do not reject me. You withhold nothing. You open your arms wide and embrace me with LOVE.
Praise be to God,
who has not rejected my prayer or
withheld his love from me!
Seek Him. Reach for Him. He will be found.