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You Make Your World More Beautiful . . . Just by Being You.

3 Oct

Tonight I was reading in 1 Corinthians 10 and my eyes slid across this passage. . . “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.” It simultaneously brought tears to my eyes and made me smile because those few words were the answer to a prayer I had breathed only moments earlier asking for God to show Himself gentle to me. See those words are like an old friend taking my hand and leading my heart because of the spiritual mentor who helped me learn them. So as the words hit my brain the memories of her diligence toward me flooded over me, I thought to myself, “That’s from Psalm 24,” and sure enough when I glanced down at the footnote for confirmation, there it was . . “Psalm 24:1.”

That Psalm is the first Scripture I clearly remember memorizing and it was Nanny, my paternal grandmother, who went over and over every syllable with me—in the KJV no less . I’m certain there were other verses I memorized for the Sunday School classes she took me to but that Psalm – at least part of it—was different. Not only was it huge to my little person mind, but I recited it in front of the whole church at the Vacation Bible School program. Angela L. said the other half.

I was about eight or nine I think, but unlike the age that I have to work to recall, I have perfect clarity of how I felt . . . I was terrified. I don’t remember Angela L. looking at all nervous which must’ve made the ashen colored fear on my face stand out all the more to the parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles who were there. I distinctly remember thinking that I could either look at all their expectant faces or I could recite the Psalm, but I couldn’t do both. So, rather than look at what seemed to me to be thousands upon thousands of people in the pews, I closed my eyes. . . .and I didn’t miss or stumble over a single word.

Now Nanny had worked with me on that Psalm all week long. She made certain I could say that thing forward and backward . . .not just my part but Angela L’s too. I was so afraid she would be disappointed or embarrassed because I hadn’t stood straight and tall, I hadn’t looked the congregation straight in the eyes with the steadfast confidence of someone whose Grandma had made certain she knew her part. I hadn’t done any of the things she had helped me prepare to do. I had closed my eyes and tilted my head down to speak but if she was disappointed in me, she didn’t let me know it.

Nanny My grandma and spiritual mentor,

Nanny
My grandma and spiritual mentor

Instead, she put her hand on my shoulder—the one with all the extra skin that I liked to press into big ridges and then smooth down before I went to sleep at night—and she said, “That was beautiful. Psalms are written to be prayed. Your eyes closed and head bowed was perfect.” I remember that evening and those words so clearly—not that it was good enough, not that it would do. . . .”it was perfect.”  The tears are sliding down my face right now and I can feel her perfect hand, the one with the extra skin, on my shoulder.

Oh how I am praising God for bringing those words of love and that touch of grace to my mind this very moment. See, when I opened up my Bible this evening, I was feeling a little overwhelmed by my own imperfections and shortcomings and I asked Him to lead me to a tender word from Him, to be salve to my heart because I felt so less-than. And this is where He took me . . .to this tender memory, to this gentle touch and the echo of my Nanny’s voice. . . “it was perfect.” Thank you Lord.

It fits so well with all that He has been showing me lately about the beauty that women of all ages, occupations, and personalities bring to their worlds. He’s just been putting them in front of me everywhere I go. . .pretty places and not-so-pretty places.

Momma full of grace

The Voice of Grace

I walked into a public restroom and bent down to scan the space between the bottom of the door and the floor to see what one might be empty. My eyes stopped and my heart took in a picture that spoke a thousand words. Now the photo isn’t too clear because it isn’t exactly the place where you take a lot of time to focus your camera but if you look close you’ll see three little pairs of feet engulfed in a sea of white toilet tissue facing one another sideways and . . . one pair of larger feet, toes touching the ground, facing forward. I expected to hear some harassed and helpless sounding shrieks come from behind that pink stall door, but instead the voice of grace poured over my ears, “I just need a minute and then we’ll be done.” Her tone was soft. She spoke tenderness to those babies. Not a harried response or a sharp retort within earshot and she had no idea anyone was listening. She was grace come to life. . . making her world a more beautiful, softer, grace-filled place. I never saw her face but I know she’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever encountered.

A few days after that, I worked out at a fitness center and the Mom, Daughter, Wife, on the elliptical beside me got interrupted not once but four separate times – twice by her daughter, once by her dad, and once by her husband in the span of about 15 minutes. And that beautiful woman, who had no idea anyone was watching, kept a posture of love the entire time. She never folded her arms once. Never shot a look that could kill. Never did the long exhale through her nose. Nope. She poured love out on every single one of those interruptions wearing skin . . .she made her world a more beautiful, kinder, love-filled place. She was drenched in sweat, wearing her heart on her sleeve, and she was radiant to me.

spine cancer beauty

The Stride of Devotion

The following morning I was walking on a flower-lined sidewalk with a friend and a woman about our age came up behind us. We invited her to pass through because we were more concerned with chatting than with keeping up a good pace and she was so pleasant as she walked between and eventually passed us.  She turned back as she made her way by with a smile and explained, “I’m not as quick as I used to be with this limp.  I have spine cancer and I’m afraid I overdid yesterday.  I just finished radiation but I wasn’t going to miss this vacation with my husband and kids.” No bitterness. No this-isn’t-fair cadence to her words or her stride. Just pure devotion . . . .selfless, heartfelt, devotion . . .she would not be brought to a stand still.  She was tenacity in motion and she made her world a more beautiful place.

And then there was Eloise and Yaya. Two complete strangers to me. Eloise, about 2 years old, and Yaya who was about 70 years her senior . . . granddaughter and grandmother playing in the pool. Eloise full of energy and spunk in her little retro bathing suit flitted from one thing to the next, chattering the entire time. Yaya never told her to quiet down or suggested they take a rest. She engaged fully in every toddler utterance that came from Eloise’s mouth. She was wise enough to soak in every moment that was passing between those generations and you could tell from the look on her face that she was treasuring that day up in her heart. She may not have had the zip her grandbaby did but as a friend who has many grandbabies of her own often tells me, “my speed might be gone but the stamina is still there!”

Yaya was in it for the long haul with Miss Eloise. She would not be deterred from loving all out and all in where Eloise was concerned. She was enthralled with the little girl before her and Eloise was enamored with her Yaya and they were beautiful .. . .they made their world a more beautiful, love-out-loud, treasure-the-day, live-this-moment place.

I don’t know if any of those women have confessed Christ as her personal Savior or not. I hope so, with everything that’s in me, I hope so.  But the truth is, God can display His glory and impact my life through whomever He chooses and for this moment in time He chose them. His plans don’t need our approval to move forward and for this season in life it appears that His plan is to increase my awareness of the beauty of women and tender my heart toward them in a way I’ve not experienced before – – not just the ones I’m blessed to know but the ones I may never meet.

Some I'm Blessed to Know

Some I’m Blessed to Know

These encounters changed me.   None of those ladies know how they impacted me. None of them know how they lived out loud, loved out loud, and brought beauty to my world. . . .but they did. And YOU, sweet, sweet Sister, YOU are those women.

You’re the daughter, you’re the mom, the grandma, the wife, the friend, you’re the sister making the world a more beautiful place. A softer place. A grace-filled, love-filled, life-filled place.

Your lives aren’t easy—the toilet paper tangle on the floor is sometimes as good as the day gets. But you do the messy stuff and you make even that crowded stall, with all those feet, a beautiful place to be. You reach out a hand with extra skin, lay it on the shoulder of one you love, and you make life better. Your tenacity for life, your pure devotion, they make your world beautiful.

I know it’s easy to feel as if we don’t bring much beauty to our circumstances. We get too caught up in the imperfections and the shortcomings, but I assure you Beloved . . .

YOU ARE BREATHTAKING IN HIS SIGHT

and He will display His glory and His love through you. . . . with or without your approval.

Every time you choose a posture of love over a posture of impatience. Every time you refuse to be deterred from being fully with the ones you love. Every time you do the daughter-mom-wife-grandmother-friend-sister pour out grace, love, and life stuff. . .every time you are YOU, you make the world a more beautiful place because you, my Sweet Friend, are a glimpse of His glory.

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Your Limitations CANNOT Limit Your God . . . Just Give Him Your Lunch!

21 Feb

The Mephibosheth blog post was a public declaration of sorts.  A kind of notice that I am going to spend a year at the King’s Table with hopes of coming to know my God in a deeper and more passionate way.  Are you familiar with the expression “I bring nothing to the table?”  Well, for this particular occasion truer words were never spoken.  But, in spite of my nothing to offer, I am pulling up my chair and leaning in close.

I’ve been keeping a little journal of the days.  Wanting to have a record of the miracles of God and to have a tangible proof of the transformation I am certain He is going to bring about in my heart.  I fully felt His good pleasure and favor fall on me on Day One as He brought Psalm 66 to life through a beautiful long distance worship experience with my Sweet Florida Girl.  (If you want to read about His in-depth involvement I’ve posted my journal page here.)

But it was on Day 2 that God really spoke to my heart and gave me assurance for the days at the King’s Table to come.  What beautiful words – that I’m certain I’ve read many times before but this was day He had appointed me to see them with my heart for the very first time. . . Matthew 9:36

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (ESV)

Sister, I can’t speak for you but I have spurts in life when I feel a little harassed and a lot helpless and the idea that Jesus has compassion on me in that state is beautiful to me.  And I love the plain language of the thing.  It just hits my soul like cool water.

Matthew 9:36

So a day and one-half had passed and the seat at the table felt pretty comfortable—a heart-to-heart mother/daughter worship paired with a new soul discovery.  I only had about four hours left until bed time and then I could begin Day Three.  So much can happen in four short hours and the “pretty comfortable chair” can quickly become uncomfortable.  Like leather on a hot summer day when you’re wearing shorts.

Have you ever encountered a situation when you’re uncertain how you should handle it and so maybe out of habit or maybe because it’s what you know, you just plow ahead doing what you’ve always done?  That’s where I found myself – not out and out rebellion because I began very measured and careful.  But I soon heard myself choosing to serve my own agenda rather than surrender to love – and very quickly those four short hours before bedtime became somewhat nightmarish in my own mind.

If the blog has not clued you in to this, I like to share life and I like to talk – that gets me into trouble sometimes.  God has done such a mighty work in me and really refined what I say and how I say it, but there are still times when that weakness, that desire to share my opinion, rears its ugly head and bites me.  The evening of Day Two was just such an occasion.

Please keep in mind that God has drawn my attention on so many occasions to the verses that make it plain that it’s the fool who is quick to share what she believes to be wisdom without consulting the One Who truly is wise . . .Proverbs 18:2

Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. (ESV)

And even if I have hashed the thing over with Him and feel it settled in my own mind and heart, that doesn’t mean He’s given me the permission to shout it from the roof tops . . . Romans 14:22

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. (NIV)

What I see with those two verses, one in the Old Covenant and one in the New, is that I’m best to sometimes keep what I think to myself.  And in this instance, I didn’t feel as if I heeded God’s exhortation very well.

Those around me weren’t offended and I did offer apology but I still didn’t sleep well that night. I poured my heart out in confession but I was still left with this twisted stomach and I’m going to just say it – SHAME – in the pit of my heart.  All of that serpent talk was whispering in my head, “you did this again?” . . .”God is so disappointed in you” . . . Talk about feeling a little harassed and a lot helpless.

Now you know and I know that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and true repentance means restoration for the soul. Freedom in His Name–It’s my greatest joy.

But no matter how I prayed, I couldn’t get my heart to match up with what my head knows to be true and that sick feeling just sort of sat there.

So, I started asking God to show me how this instance was fitting in with everything else He seems to be about the business of doing in my life.  And in His faithfulness, He spoke to me – slowly so I could understand!

He reminded me of the places we had been in Scripture the past few weeks and of the ache I had professed to Him to see others be in awe at His miracles. That’s supposed to be what miracles do — point to the greatness of God and leave us slack-jawed at His goodness and His power.  I had prayed to inspire people to want the transformation that only Jesus brings about and I had prayed to fall more deeply in love with my Savior.  I guess I just really hadn’t anticipated that for others to see the transformation that this year at the King’s Table will bring about in me – they have to know the starting point.  Ouch!  And perhaps I needed a reminder as well.

I pray for myself consistently to guard against a haughty attitude . . . Isaiah 5:21 Isaiah 5:21

What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eyes and think themselves so clever. (NLT)

I ask God to bless me with a humble heart and contrite spirit so I can make Him proud of the way I share His Glory and His Word . .  . Isaiah 66:2Isaiah 66:2

Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the Lord.“These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word. (NIV)

See how true it is that I don’t bring much to the table?  But even though it isn’t much, I’m offering it up and asking God to bring about a mighty change and I’m trusting that He will.  Not based on me, but based on Him.

I write it all the time because nothing has made me more certain of the Rock underneath my feet . . .I trust Him because my God does not change and my Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He’s faithful to Himself.  Who He has been is Who He is.  And the Who of Him will NOT give up on me . . .Philippians 1:6

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (ESV)

2 Kings 4 is all about God doing much with little.  Familiar accounts of the woman’s oil that never runs out and the raising of the wealthy woman’s son.  It’s all Him providing in unexpected ways and bringing life from death and tucked into two verses is, what seems to me to be an arrow pointing straight to the New Testament and our God wearing skin . . . 2 Kings 4:42-44

42 A man came from Baal-shalishah, bringing the man of God bread of the firstfruits, twenty loaves of barley and fresh ears of grain in his sack. And Elisha said, “Give to the men, that they may eat.” 43 But his servant said, “How can I set this before a hundred men?” So he repeated, “Give them to the men, that they may eat, for thus says the Lord, ‘They shall eat and have some left.’” 44 So he set it before them. And they ate and had some left, according to the word of the Lord. (ESV)

Sound familiar?  Cross over the Covenant Line and join Jesus on the Mountain. You could choose any of the Gospels, they all record the miracle they witnessed that day.  I’m choosing Matthew just because that’s where I am reading right now. . . Matthew 14:15-20

15 Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” 16 But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” 17 They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” 18 And he said, “Bring them here to me.” 19 Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. 20 And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. (ESV)

God took the small amount given and HE made miracles happen.  The limited amount He received placed no limitation on the blessing that He gave.  We simply cannot confine the miraculous.

And here’s a detail John shares that Matthew, Mark, and Dr. Luke do not – the five loaves and 2 fish belonged to a boy in the crowd . . . John 6:8-11

8 One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to him, 9 “There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?” 10 Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, about five thousand in number. 11 Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. (ESV)

Christ took the boy’s lunch, gave thanks and distributed it to “those who were seated” – He transformed famine to feast.  The ones sitting at His feet brought “nothing to the table” but they walked away filled by His goodness.

A Sweet Sister asked me recently, “Bunny, will you give God your lunch?”  She was referring to this very passage.  At the time, I chalked it up to the things in the long string that I talked about in The Invitation blog post beckoning me to pull up a seat at the King’s Table.  But I think, now that I have returned an RSVP of “Yes Lord,” that I’m beginning to see the question a little more clearly and in the process, maybe part of the answer as well.

I don’t have to bring much to the table.  But what I have, I need to be willing to give to Him and trust Him to multiply the ordinary in Extraordinary ways.  He will not be limited by my limitations.  Isn’t that beautiful?

And I can’t hide the miracle transformation.  For people to praise God for the transformation, they need to know the less-than that He started with.  So I’m not glad that I repeated those old patterns, but I am thankful that God has shown me this early in the journey that  if I will give Him my lunch, He will turn my famine to feast.  He’ll take my not much and make miracles with it.  That’s who He is and it’s what He does.

God loves to bring the Miracle More from our much less.

Sisters, I have to tell you, if the first three days are any indication of what will be distributed to the “one who is seated”, then at this point I am certain that I have no idea of the depth of the transformation that is going to take place.  No idea of the Miracle More He has in mind to bring from the much less that I am offering Him.

So may I be so bold as to ask if you have pulled up your own chair?  Have you taken your seat at the King’s Table or claimed a patch of grass on the mountainside at the feet of Christ?  Don’t worry about the “nothing that you bring” – it seems to me that making much from nothing is His specialty. Every person blessed to know Grace brings that sentence to life.

The Word is clear.  Scripture upon Scripture confirms it for us.

Our God will never leave us empty handed.

— We’ll always be blessed with the more of Him. —

He will always bring us feast in our famine.

— He will take the much less and deliver the Miracle More. —

And He will not be limited by our limitations.

— No human eye has seen nor heart conceived. —

So the question remains Sweet One . . . .

lunch

Will you give God your lunch?

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Life on the Open Road Requires Some Time in the Garage!

28 Aug

“Sitting in the garage won’t make you a car,

and going to church won’t make you a Christian.”

car3

This is a popular quote I’ve seen posted all over facebook and used in different devotionals lately.  I tried to track down who originally said it, but it was attributed to so many people I wasn’t comfortable assigning an author.  So give credit to whomever it was you heard it from first and know that it did not originate in the mind of Marilyn Biddinger.  I’m not that clever.

As clever as it is, there’s something about those words that have made my heart a little uncomfortable each time I have read it.  I think I get the point —simply parking in a pew will not transform you into something you are not. But I sometimes wonder if as the Body, in a very sincere and good-hearted effort to distance ourselves from empty religion, we’ve gone too far and cast the meeting together of the Body of Christ as an unnecessary part of Kingdom life. An optional part of our relationship with Jesus.   If we have, we’ve unintentionally done ourselves and a watching world a huge disservice.

Please don’t hear me promoting empty church attendance as a way of doing life with our Savior.  But . . . the person sitting in that pew is much more likely to hear the Truth preached there than sitting on their couch every Sunday.  And since it is the Word of God that comes with the promise (Isaiah 55:11) it seems to me that we should encourage them to come park in that pew and find a little shelter from the elements outside any day of the week.  And, at what other time will a person who just wants to be good for goodness sake or do the right thing because it’s just the right thing to do, have a chance to be loved on by so many who have LOVE living inside them.

Doing life with the family of God, even though it can be a messy business, is absolutely essential to having a full and complete relationship with Jesus.  It’s where we have the opportunity to live life the most excellent way and where the world sees believers do life differently.  If it wasn’t essential why would the Apostle Paul tell us not to give up meeting with one another as some have done and why would the New Testament spend so much time telling us how to relate to one another.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,

not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some,

but encouraging one another,

and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.  Romans 12:10

Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits. Romans 12:16  (Sometimes I just have to go with the Amplified because it drives it home and leaves me no wiggle room.)

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Galatians 5:13

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Ephesians 4:2

These are just a few of the one anothers.  And guess what?  To do the “one anothers” there has to be others.  It’s the others that God often uses to change and refine us.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

It’s true that sitting in the garage won’t make you a car.  It won’t make you a car because that wasn’t what you were created to be.  I don’t think even a car would be content with just sitting in the garage all the time if it could choose.  And if it could talk, I think it might say something like “Hey, put some fuel in my tank, put the top down,  let’s go for a drive.”  That car would be itching to fulfill its purpose. Never leaving the garage wouldn’t even be an option.  It would ache to get out on the open road and do what it was made to do.  So while the purpose of that car is life on the open road, running 24/7 without coming back to the garage for a little rest and respite just isn’t going to cut it.  The road grime would build-up, the windshield would be smeared, and the fuel gauge would soon hit empty.  Balance is required for that car to do its job.  Even though it rightfully calls that garage home, it simply can’t do what it was it was created to do if it spends all its time just sitting there.  But . . . it can’t fulfill its purpose if it spends all its time on the road either.

Isn’t it the same for we who are called to be members of the Body of Christ?  You were created to complete the Body, to edify the Body, to encourage the Body and they were created to do the same for you.

 For as in one body we have many members,

and the members do not all have the same function,

so we, though many, are one body in Christ,

and individually members one of another.

Romans 12:4-5

We need one another to wipe away the road grime, help clean the windshield, and fill our tanks.  It’s what we were created to do – love one another. Sometimes it’s good to be on the road alone and just let the Spirit blow your hair back.  Other times, you need to look over and see another driver headed the same direction.  It encourages the heart and spurs the soul to know we aren’t alone.  God gives us other road warriors to strengthen us and help us navigate all the twists and turns life throws at us.  We can’t dismiss the benefits of fellowship and meeting with the body of Christ.  The Truth won’t allows us to. Sisters, if we do we will miss out on the fullness of the abundant life God has planned for us. And so will those who long to see us.  I’m speaking from experience on this one.  Brett and I haven’t had the opportunity to physically enter our Church and worship with our Body in over a year.  As much as we enjoy having Believers here in our home, there’s just nothing like joining together with hands raised high and coming before the Throne with one voice.

And as for the one who pulls into their appointed parking space each Sunday . . . Well, do you remember the last time you met a whole slew of cars on their way to a classic car show?  The smile just creeps across your face as you meet car after car.   Shined and polished.  Buffed and beautiful.  You get all anxious waiting to see what the next one might look like and you start chatting with everyone else in the car about how awesome all those cars are as they keep rolling past you. Even if you aren’t a car enthusiast, there’s just something about seeing those cars, one right after another, that grabs your attention.   And when they arrive at their destination and they’re all lined up for the world to see, it is simply spectacular.

Spend a few minutes wandering among those beauties and you’ll soon be hearing story after story from their owners.  “Yeah, she was a wreck when I got her, but look at her now!”  “You wouldn’t have believed the shape she was in!”  Pretty soon your attention isn’t on the car anymore.  Nope.  Pretty soon, your focus is on the owner.  The one who poured all those blood, sweat, and tears into making that car what is today.  Same for us.

When Love congregates all in one place, it grabs people’s attention.  When we share the truth of the wrecks we were and let the Glory of the One who poured His Blood, Sweat, and Tears into us do the talking – well, Girlfriend, we are beautiful.  So you pull out onto that highway with the top down and the engine roaring the Good News, but don’t you forget that time in the garage is necessary.  And Sister, when we all line up, shined and polished, doing what we were created to do – we are absolutely spectacular.

car1

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We are Wrapped in His “Thereness”

24 Aug

What if we believed, to our core, that God is always with us?  Not in some abstract way, but in the reach out and touch Him kind of way.  What if His “Thereness” was our reality and we, the ordinary, understood the very real, very tangible Presence of the Extraordinary?   Imagine truly grasping the ever-Presence that is the I AM.

His Word is clear.  He is with us – ALWAYS.  He will not leave us or forsake us.  Just as surely as every person we cross paths with today, God is there.  So what if, rather than having that be a concept we know, it was a reality we lived?  What if?

Part of “what if” for me would probably include keeping a much closer watch over the words that fall out of my mouth.  I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t allow them to just “fall out” but would take great care to fill them with grace so the King at my side would be proud to call me friend.

  • He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.  Proverbs 22:11

And I probably would use my time more wisely than I normally do.  I can’t imagine frittering away the hours watching HGTV, rooting for the House Hunters to pick the home that stayed in their budget, if I really grabbed a hold of the truth that God is sitting with me on the couch.  I have to wonder if He might be thinking that I was squandering the day He had entrusted to me very foolishly.  Given all He has accomplished, it’s hard for me to picture Him as content just idling away the hours with no purpose.  Yes, part of my “what if” would definitely include a wiser use of my time so His Majesty might delight in me.

  • A king delights in a wise servant, but a shameful servant arouses his fury.  Proverbs 14:35

Those are just a couple of the observable “what if” changes. The real “what ifs” would take place on the inside because I cannot fathom subjecting my HOLY God to some of the thoughts that fly through my mind.  Would I really feel jealous of anyone else in the world and stomp my foot about what they have that I don’t, if I realized the WHO that I am blessed with? What in the world could be of greater value than Him?  Would I honestly usurp His right to judge by silently evaluating the actions of others if I actually believed that the One and Only Lawgiver was there?  I could go on listing the things I struggle with and posing the questions about how they might change, but for me, and maybe for you too, all the questions boil down to just one:

Would we change if we believed in His absolute “Thereness”?

I am convinced that for all of us the answer is absolutely YES!  I have moments when I am acutely aware of His Presence and I’m certain you do too.  Times when the facts and the feelings of our faith converge and our souls fall into a holy hush that whispers, “He is here.”  We don’t try to negotiate the agenda of the day; we follow the still, small, Voice wherever and to whomever He leads.  We stride with confidence knowing that every step is falling inside the well-worn footprints of our Holy Trailblazer.  And we are unafraid because we are certain of His all-encompassing Love surrounding us on every side.  That’s the Truth of Him you know?  The I AM is present.

He leads the way knocking down the obstacles and challenges that rise up before you.

  • I will go before you and will level the mountains – Isaiah 45:2

He stands firmly on your right and on your left setting your feet on solid ground and lifting your eyes toward Him.

  • But you, God, shield me on all sides; You ground my feet, you lift my head high. – Psalm 3:3

And the Lord Himself has promised you Sweet One, that He has your back.

  • Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. – Isaiah 58:8

That is the real-time, real-world truth of it. He goes before us. He is on every side. And His glory is our rear guard.  We are, without a doubt, wrapped in His “Thereness.”  No part of our faith journey escapes His attention or His affection.  And while we may be limited to simply glimpsing glory for now, His vision toward us is totally unobstructed.  His love for us is unconstrained.  And His “Thereness” is unchanging.  Sisters, we may long for the day when see the truth of our circumstances clearly, but in the meantime, I pray we will embrace the reality of our here and now because He is Here and He is Good.

We don’t yet see things clearly.

We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist.

But it won’t be long before the weather clears

and the sun shines bright!

We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us,

knowing him directly just as he knows us!

1 Corinthians 13:12, The MSG

The Message:  The goal of The Message is to engage people in the reading process and help them understand what they read. This is not a study Bible, but rather “”a reading Bible.”” The verse numbers, which are not in the original documents, have been left out of the print version to facilitate easy and enjoyable reading. The original books of the Bible were not written in formal language. The Message tries to recapture the Word in the words we use today.

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Unchallenged = Unchanged

25 Jul

Rather you are personally acquainted with the residents of Biddinger Boulevard or you have only peeked in through the window of this blog, you have to agree that they have faced some things on this planet.  Some challenges have come about of their own making and others, well, not so much.  But this is what I know as I prepare to write this post today:  Faith unchallenged is faith unchanged.

If I’m consistently praying for growth and asking God to increase my faith, and on my good days I am, then I have to expect opportunities to stretch my new faith muscles.  Times when I get to see if it’s just talk or if I’m willing to lace up my walking shoes and really step the thing out.  Today is just such a day.

Over the last few weeks I have been inundated with the truth of who God is and so desiring to have faith that can move mountains.  I’ve shaken off some chains that have shackled my feet forever and began believing Him in an area I was totally holding back.  I don’t want to overstate because I’m having to claim Scripture over it daily, but the point is, that I am believing Him for the victory.  I’m desiring to be obedient right now not when it is more comfortable for me or better timing.  I read somewhere recently that to truly experience the Comforter we have to be willing to leave our comfort zones.  There’s some truth to that for me because I have a tendency to become complacent after a while.

You’d think that with all we have gone through, just in the last year let alone the last 20 years,  that I would have been challenged enough for a lifetime.  How in the world could I have an unchallenged, complacent bone left in my body?  I’ve seen Him be BIG, HUGE, and FAITHFUL so often.  And yet, there are still places in the back of my brain that wonder, “But will You be faithful to me in this?  Will You be my refuge if I go there?  Will You protect me from that?”  I don’t want those back-of-the-brain places directing the feet of my faith.  But, unless I hit a challenge that makes me act, I will never know if I am truly living, moving, and finding my being in Him.  See what I mean?

I have to be grateful for the chances He gives me to know where my faith is at and to see the fruit of the growth He has prompted in me.  Did you catch that – “the chances He gives me to know . . . and to see”–?  Let it sink in a minute.  He already knows the depth and the breadth of my faith.  He knows what I will trust Him for and what I will believe of Him.  So who needs to be strengthened by it?  Who needs to see progress and have tangible proof that my faith walk is moving forward?  Oh my goodness Girlfriend – I do!  And so do you!

I need to know that there is fruit in my life of His Presence.  You need to look at me and see Him making a difference in my life.  It’s the same for you and the people who peek into your life.  You are the way that God has chosen to make Himself known in this generation among these people.  Every faith challenge you come up against is a new opportunity to shine like a star in the universe.  And don’t you know that Glory always shines brightest against a stormy background?

God does NOT need my growth or yours.  Does He desire it? You know He does. God does NOT need my faith to increase. He does NOT need your faith to increase.  But does He long for it?  Beloved, you can be certain He does.

The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands.  And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else.  Acts 17:24-25

He doesn’t NEED a thing from us.  But oh, how He longs to see us consumed by our NEED FOR HIM. He knows that only when we are consumed with Him will we be complete. Now, we’ll not get there this side of glory, but we can continue, by His grace, moving closer.  And so He lets us see the tangible proof we need to keep fighting the good fight.  He spurs us toward more.  That’s who He is.  That’s His goodness.  That’s His compassion.  That’s His LOVE on display to you and through you.

See, your God is ALL about you.  And that means you don’t need to be.  You don’t have to worry about what’s coming down the pipe because He’s got it. So, if something comes into your life that challenges you, and I don’t mean to sound trite, but Sister, rejoice in it.  I’m not minimizing whatever you’re going through at this time, LIFE ON PLANET EARTH IS HARD!  But our God has set His Face like flint and He will not withdraw from the challenge or let His children settle for a less-than, untested, unchallenged faith.  Oh Praise His Name, He loves us enough to call us to more.  To cause us to draw nearer.  To lean in closer.  To listen harder and to look more intently.

So Sister you let your talk become your walk and you move ahead with confidence.  Whatever obstacle, whatever dark cloud, whatever difficulty you have staring at you, look right back at it with eyes of belief, and know, to the bottom of your soul, that your God is about to break out of that storm and shine like the noonday sun.  And then Girlfriend, you better grab your sunglasses cause life is bright that close to Glory!

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Younger Me, You Were Loved . . .

22 Jun

September 10, 1988 –

  • Brett and Bunny were married in a church but certainly did not exchange their vows before God nor consider Him as even a small part, let alone the center, of their marriage.

April 20, 1993 –

  • Brett and Bunny had their first child.  A beautiful little 7 lb. 6 oz. baby girl was born at 5:21 p.m. in Alma, Michigan.  No praise was given to God for her healthy little body or sweet little face.

May 24, 1993 –

  • Brett finished the electrical work and the three Biddingers moved into their first family home.  No prayer of thanks was offered.  No blessing was prayed over the home.

June 24, 1993 –

  • Brett was in a near-fatal car accident and flown to Grand Rapids.  If someone cried out to God and asked for His intercession, His preservation of life, it was not me.

Brett was in the hospital for 31 days.  Most of it was spent in ICU.   The crash team was called to his room more than once and it was two full weeks before we knew for certain that he would he live.  I can’t really say he slept, more so he floated in and out of consciousness in a room with glass walls for constant observation.  The tubes in his chest and down his throat forced air into the collapsed lung and the halo screwed to his skull aligned what was left of his crushed spine.  The traction apparatus above his bed held his broken femur in the air until he could survive the surgery necessary to fix it.  Still I did not pray.

I slept on couches in the family waiting room for many of the 31 nights. I listened to the doctors explain his paralysis — nipple line down, no use of hands, will not walk. I watched the nurses dump medicine down his feeding tube.  I saw the fear on his face each time he regained consciousness.  I guarded him fiercely and sat for hours in the hard, orange, plastic chair beside his bed listening to the hum of his respirator. I sat. I guarded. I watched. But I did not utter a single prayer.

Our baby girl took up residence 90 miles away from us with my parents.  My Mom bundled her from head-to-toe in the dead of summer because the hospital was so cold and they shuttled her back and forth, with the help of friends, almost daily.  My Dad’s right arm has to be two inches longer from all the miles he carried her crossing that parking ramp and skywalk in her baby seat.  Her visits were the only time Brett showed real interest in being awake.  The change in him was so marked when she was there that the nurses noted it all throughout their charting.  And yet, no thanks was given to the One who had given her to us.

Oh, others were praying and praying hard.  But I was not.  And still He did not leave me.  His thoughts concerning me never wavered from the unfailing love He professes in His Word.  I have no recollection of cognizantly crying out to God during that time.  But He must have been whispering straight to my heart because I found myself standing in line at the hospital gift shop with a Bible study on the Book of Isaiah in my hand.  I wish I could tell you that it was the beginning of a passionate, consistent walk with God but it was not.   I did do the Bible study though and this morning, with the anniversary date of the accident approaching, I felt oddly drawn to dig it out and read through the questions and answers on its pages.

It is so strange to look at my responses.  I know it was me but the young woman who wrote those words is such a dim memory.  I think I’ve worked so hard to leave her behind that I’ve almost forgotten that God loved her too.  Does that make sense to you?  He loved that girl who gave Him no consideration as deeply as He loves the one typing these words.

His affection was as firmly fixed on the woman who wrote “He is powerful and He protects even the weakest follower” 20 years ago in that Bible study book, as it is on the one who desires to write for His glory today.

His heart was just as consumed with the girl who read Isaiah 5:1-6 and scrawled, “God has planted many seeds in my life, from the time I was a small child.  He sent people into my life to tend them, but they were ignored.  Finally, He has let the cows trample me.  Too much sin has left me a wasteland.” as it is with the woman who clings to the truth of Isaiah 61:4 and knows that the ancient ruins and places long devastated in her were destined to be restored.

Oh, how He loved the one who wrote “God has guided me through many troubles only to receive nothing from me.  For a long time I have used the excuse that you can’t pray when you’re in trouble if you don’t pray when you aren’t” and then finished the thought by wondering, “But what if these things were brought to my life for precisely that reason. Is the Lord trying to get my attention?”  And oh, how He loves the one who now confidently answers, “He will always bring beauty from the ashes– if not on this side of Glory, then on the other. My God is good. My God is faithful.”

I guess the point of all this reminiscing is to say that you, Sweet One, are always and have always been on His mind.  There is no point on the timeline of your life that He has not loved you. No matter where we are on the spectrum of faith, He’s always about the business of loving us.  Rather we acknowledge or even notice Him is an entirely different matter but I assure you based on the authority of His Word that the One who was, the One who is, and the One who will be has always been with you.

And somewhere, in the back of her mind, that younger version of me knew that truth too.  She knew He was there and when she finally began to speak, she knew His heart was listening.  This is the final entry from that Bible study so many years ago:

“My understanding of this changed.  My heart believes that the Lord is listening.  God hears all my prayers and He answers them.  At times not the way I want but all my prayers are answered.  His thoughts are higher than mine . He sees the whole picture.  I don’t.  I can trust Him for the outcome.”

Well said younger me.  Well said.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

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Are You Brave Enough?

4 Jun

signsI stand at the crossroads and look . . . and I try to imagine what life might be like if I do things in a way I’ve never done them before.  I try to conjure up the best and worst case scenarios that might be catapulted into existence if I step out into unfamiliar territory.  What will I find if rather than pursuing the path of “what I know” and “where I’m comfortable” I take God at His Word, believing that He will always lead me in the good way, and I step out in HIS NAME?  What if instead of being limited by what my finite mind can see, I trust the Infinite and allow Him to unfold a God-sized vision concerning me?

Honest answer is, “I don’t know.”  Full confession is, “I might not be brave enough to find out.”  I often pray for a spirit of contentment to settle over me.  To be certain that my days, no matter how secluded or contained within the four walls of Biddinger Boulevard they might be, are spent pursuing His agenda and not mine.  There are days when other than one another, we don’t come into contact with anyone.  So at times, it’s hard to imagine that there is a vision that includes us, let alone to conceive that a God-sized vision might be in the works.  But I firmly believe that this time of “quarantine” has come straight from the hand of God and it has come for a holy purpose.  I don’t want to miss it.  I don’t want Brett to miss it.  I want us to heed the words of the Lord to be “strong and courageous” and to take every opportunity to seize the cities He sets before us–even if it appears that we are the only ones occupying those city streets.

Not everyone is given a time in life when they are required to limit their activities and I so pray that we are faithful with the gift we have been given.  I think the worst thing that could happen is that Brett would finally be healed and we would look back to find that physical restoration was all that had occurred.   To whom much is entrusted, more will be asked.  Perhaps the God-sized vision requires the more.  Maybe it’s in the unfamiliar territory that we will truly begin to see.

I recently shared with a friend that God has turned me upside down by diligently shining His light on all the places I would rather just keep hidden.  It hasn’t been exactly unpleasant (it’s actually been exciting) but it has had a feeling of “are you kidding me?  There’s more?”  I’ve said aloud on more than one occasion, “Marilyn, will you ever get to the bottom of yourself?”  (I grew up with Marilyn being my trouble name and I’ve carried the tradition forward 🙂 )   Just when I think all the self-serving goop has been dug out, I start to smell a not so pleasant aroma emanating from my heart and I realize . . . more goop has bubbled to the surface.  Another bastion of judgementalism is uncovered.  Another stronghold of haughtiness brought to light.  Another fortress of jealousy is revealed.  While somewhere in my mind I understand that all that goop dredging is a required part of the process, it doesn’t always make cooperating in the whole thing come any more naturally. I tell myself that that’s probably true for almost everyone.  It makes me feel better to think that feeling exposed and vulnerable with all your goop laid out on the Throne Room floor would be a little difficult no matter who you are.  Exposure.  Vulnerability.  Sounds risky to me.  Are you ready for that?  Are you that brave?

What if only a handful of us were to answer that question with a resounding “YES”?   We would, undoubtedly, turn the world upside down.  If only a few were committed to truly make Jesus the Lord of their lives, life as we know it would cease and life, true living, would really begin.  Henry Blackaby writes that you can’t say “No, Lord” because it presents an oxymoron.  If you say “No”, He’s not your Lord.  Plain, simple, true.

I’m praying to be one of the handful.  I’m asking God to make me one of the people you’d be pleased to join with in taking the world by storm.  I’m petitioning Him to make me into a warrior who does not flinch in her belief that the victory is already won.  Girlfriend, the battle that rages over you in the heavenlies is huge.  I want to be the one you want at your back.  And I want that life of tenacious commitment for you too.  When people meet us, they ought to see something different.  Something more.  Something Divine.  They ought to see Christ in the unique way that He displays Himself through each one of us.  I might even be so bold as to say, they ought to glimpse glory.

So what do you say if for the next week we live as if we are unafraid? We obey the small nudges from God rather than talk ourselves out of acting because we aren’t absolutely, 110% sure, convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was God’s voice.  We look undeterred at the dark places He reveals, repent, and take the path He leads us down.  If it doesn’t contradict Scripture and it’s consistent with God’s character, what say we throw caution to the wind and err on the side boldness?  Err on the side of obedience?  Why not do the good thing?  Corny as it may sound, we’ll never pass this way again.  So, let’s just see where the God-vision goes.  Even when it’s unfamiliar.  Even when it’s uncomfortable.  And especially when it doesn’t fit within the confines of our finite imaginations.  I have to believe that the Divine of God, the All of Elohim, who has entrusted us with much will never ask for more than He has given. Sister, the way of the Ancient One is good — let’s be brave enough to walk in it.

“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.”

Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV, 1984)

(Here’s a secret wish:  I wish I could be peek in at the lives of the Sisters who choose to take this challenge.  What a thing of beauty I would behold!  — You go Girl!)

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The Warrior on My Wall

8 Mar

I arrived at the hospital thmeandmylovefortyeightis morning a little after 8 a.m. and was greeted with, “Good morning Gorgeous” before my man had even seen my face.  It was the same voice I heard say to me yesterday when I entered his room, “I love that I recognize that purposeful stride coming down the hall.”  Isn’t he amazing?  With all that he is going through (I typed “walking through” first but then thought better of it–LOL) he still notices me.

If anyone were to have a justification for being self-absorbed it might be Brett.  He has been through much since his accident in 1993 but few things have been as trying as the last few months.  In late August he developed a large growth under his skin and it has spiraled downward from that point.  It moved from a hard mass to a large open surface wound and steadily worked its way further into his skin.  It has required periods of 24/7 bed confinement and stolen much of his very active life.  On Monday, he will have extensive surgery to remove the dead tissue and hopefully, clear the path for his physical healing to begin.

Sisters, I so wish you could have watched this process unfold with me.  He did not shrink back from the challenge but became all the more determined to be a great warrior, a true Nehemiah man, in the heavenlies.

Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall

at the exposed places, posting them by families,

with their swords, spears and bows.

After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles,

the officials and the rest of the people,

“Don’t be afraid of them.

Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome,

and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters,

your wives and your homes.” 

When our enemies heard that we were aware of their plot

and that God had frustrated it,

we all returned to the wall, each to our own work.

Nehemiah 4:13-15

See, while I may speak “thick-headed” my man speaks the language of the WARRIOR.  Case in point:  I was studying Revelation and gushing all over him about being the Bride of Christ dressed in fine white linen and he listened politely.  Then, I got to the next description of those dressed in fine white linen and the polite listening stopped.  He sat taller in his chair and listened intently as I read aloud about the armies of the Lord following the rider who is “Faithful and True” into battle.  It was total participation. You could see the light in his eyes and the engagement of his heart.  He was absolutely thrilled at the prospect.

That’s who my man is.  Behind the spine that won’t cooperate with his brain anymore, past the legs that will not listen to the signal to move, beyond the hands that refuse to obey his command . . HE IS A WARRIOR.  He is a protector.  He is about the business of listening to the Commander and standing guard at the wall so that his family and friends can safely go to their own work.  Every day, as surely as you rise from your bed and check off the tasks on your to-do-list, my man arises, grabs his sword and takes up his station. Oh how I praise God for the commitment He has given Brett to fight.

And this morning my heart was filled afresh with love for him as I realized that this hospitalization is not a change in mission for Brett or even a delay in his Kingdom work, it is a promotion.  He has been so faithful with his section of the wall that God is entrusting him with a new and larger assignment.  He is sending him deeper into enemy territory to stand beside nobles, officials, and people he does not know. But God knows them and He is sending Brett to fight for them.

And what has so totally convinced me that this is the case, that God has expanded his territory?  It was his first request of me this morning. He wanted to know if I would help him with the computer.  He was loving the verse of the day on biblegateway.com and wanted to post it as his facebook status.  Consider the battle fatigue this warrior should be experiencing as he has been literally wounded in the fight, and yet, his focus is on reaching those suffering on the battlefield or trapped behind enemy lines “in any trouble.”

[Praise to the God of All Comfort ]

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our troubles,

so that we can comfort those in any trouble

with the comfort we ourselves receive from God

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

So, I tell my Warrior all that God has chatted with me about as he was sleeping and as I watch the smile spread across his face two things come to my mind.  First, I think, “Lord, give me that kind of humble tenacity. Let me be so consumed with you that I am willing to combat crawl with my legs dragging behind me to any place you call me on the battlefield.”  And second, I give Him praise with all that I am that He has stationed this mighty Warrior on my wall.meandmylovefortyeight1

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He Will Not Let You Go Alone

6 Mar

How thankful I am for God today.  How desperately I seek His comfort.  How I praise Him that before time began He planned to meet my every need.  I thank Him that He never fails to show Himself involved in all the intimate details of life and I pray for eyes to see Him as well as a heart that seeks to embrace Him.  Although this morning has been filled with much prayer and girding up for the battle that lay ahead, it has also been filled with a sense of excitement. While I have no idea what challenges the battlefield holds today, I feel a surge of adrenaline as I hear my head tell my heart that no matter what, my God is bigger. And I visit a favorite website and see the following words staring back at me:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged,

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

And I praise Him for His love for me.

The health issue that has been plaguing Brett since late August is wearing a new face and it is an ugly one.  My heart is breaking for him as he fights against his own body and appears, in this one area, to be losing. He has fought the despair of illness and experienced setback after setback and through it all, he has remained faithful in his desire to believe God more.  He has not faltered in his determination to be matured in this trial and he purposefully enters the Throne Room day after day in intercessory prayer.  Oh how I love that man.  Believe me when I tell you that even though he lives his life seated in a wheelchair, he stands head and shoulders above most I know.  He perseveres. He endures.  He suffers.  But he does NOT waver.

And as I pray for him, I am keenly aware that my continuing faith in God’s goodness, Brett’s continuing faith in God’s goodness, has little to do with us and everything to do with Him.  As I wrote in the previous post, He refuses to let me be satisfied with myself.  With my limited perception. With my oh so small faith. And so like the man in Mark 9:24, I have a decision to make as I watch the one I love suffer.  I have come face-to-face with a situation I cannot solve or change; it is beyond me.  It is not, however, beyond Him.  So I press my eyes closed and I ask God to help me overcome my unbelief.  I ask Him to reveal any lingering doubt I may have about His goodness and I firmly determine that this day I will not waver in my belief in the goodness of God.  I will stand tall in His armor and declare for all the heavenlies to hear that I will not shrink back nor change my mind concerning Him. And again I feel the rush of excitement and the thrill of belief because He has prompted me to stand firm in Him and I have obeyed.  I am at once emboldened and humbled as I realize the depth of my need for Him and the power with which He will undoubtedly meet it.

Sister, our God longs to bless His children and if the blessing is not immediate, then there is purpose in the wait.  May I just encourage you to hang on and trust Him?  May I exhort you to love Him through it all and to rely on His love for you?   I guarantee you, based on the authority of His Word, it will not be an exercise in futility.

And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing]

to be gracious to you;

and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you

and show loving-kindness to you.

For the Lord is a God of justice.

Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those

who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him

[for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace,

His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!

Isaiah 30:18 (Amplified Bible)

The blessing will come. The need will be met.  The tear will be wiped away and the hurt will be healed.  Dear One, you are loved by Him and He is aching for the day He is allowed to make your faith sight and to fully reveal His favor to you.  Jesus knows that it is hard to be us.  He knows how limiting it is to live inside our dying skin.  And He knows what it is like to wait for the healing, to trust for the blessing, and to fully rely on the love of the Father. Imagine the agony He felt as He hung on the cross. . . . . .  waiting, trusting, relying.  He knows Beloved, Oh how He knows.

Our Savior is not far removed from our needs or distant from our hurts.   We need not be afraid. We need not be discouraged.  He has walked in our shoes and laid down footsteps of determined faith. We need only to believe and follow Him.

Posted from Blodgett Hospital 1:17 a.m.

Posted from Blodgett Hospital 1:17 a.m.

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He Will Not Let You Settle . . . For You

27 Feb

Once again this morning I find myself at that place of awe, humility and wonder at the love of God.  Believe me when I tell you that the day did not start out that way.  I assure you, and if you could chat with Brett he would be quick to confirm for you, that I began my morning quite consumed with myself. (Check the comments on the side because he may confirm without your asking!)  In fact, I would say I have spent the last several days wallowing around in “all that is Bunny”. Praise God that He wants more for me “than me” and refuses to abandon me to my own mind.  Read that last sentence carefully.  I am not saying that God wants more for me than I WANT for me, I am saying that God wants more for me “than me.”  He knows that if I am to live, move, and find my being in Him, I have to live beyond myself.

If you have any propensity to become too introspective or self-absorbed, you’ve experienced the tremendous sense of relief that follows a readjustment of your vision.  You’re familiar with the freedom that comes from being set loose from yourself and you know what it means to have the weight of “you” removed from your shoulders.  Unfortunately, if you’re well acquainted with those things you are also in a tighter relationship than you want to be with what I am going to call the “consumption cycle.”

Your “consumption cycle” will be triggered by different things than mine but I firmly believe that once it is set in motion, we will pack our bags and travel hand in hand down the same well-worn path.  Maybe your consumption cycle begins with pouring your love and energy into preparing a meal for your family only to have it go totally unnoticed by a single soul.  Not a thank you, not a “good job Mom”, nothing.  Funny thing is that most often that kind of thing doesn’t sting your heart at all.  But this time, it hurts and your mind begins to chat with your heart about how unappreciated you are.  You wonder if you are significant and worse, a part of you believes that you are not.

Perhaps your consumption cycle starts its journey in the workplace.  You never complain about the workload, always go above and beyond the necessary task, and still, it seems as if you’re invisible.  Just another number, plugging away and easily replaced.  Your brain begins to tell you that you are nothing special and pretty soon you are listening to every word.  You hear the refrain and your security is shaken.

Or it might be that your trigger lies much closer to home? Hidden somewhere at the back of your heart in a big steamer trunk marked “the past” are memories that periodically try to crawl out of the mothballs surrounding them. Something occurs and you find yourself engulfed by old emotions with a nearly uncontrollable desire to disappear.  Everything in your head screams that you are unfit and unacceptable to serve Him.

              • Significance
              • Security
              • Acceptance

Those three things are as important to our souls as food is to our bodies.

I certainly join you in praising God if you have come to the point in your faith journey where you consistently look to God for your worth, but if you vacillate now and then and just reading the words makes you wince a little, I want you to know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.   If no one around you will admit that they do not have it all together, Sister, you come have coffee with me and I promise you, you will leave with absolute assurance that you have company in your struggles.  Even though the times are fewer and farther between than they used to be, there are still times when my mind turns on itself and I simply must choose to know what I know regardless of what my eyes perceive or my heart feels.

The sense of being less than you were created to be is nothing new.  Adam and Eve were created with their significance, their security, and their acceptance intact. They chose to sin and for the first time they experienced fear, isolation, and alienation.  This is the heritage that they passed on to their descendants.  Girlfriend, that’s us.  We’re the ones they deeded that property to.  I don’t know about you, but that is not a place I want to live and praise His Name, that isn’t the piece of land He has chosen for me. He died so that my boundary lines would fall in pleasant places and indeed, because of Christ, I have a beautiful inheritance. Those who have accepted Jesus are seated with Him in the heavenly realms and they are, without a doubt, significant, secure and accepted and Beloved, He says it often enough and plainly enough that even those who only speak “thick-headed” can understand.

He doesn’t say only once that in Christ you are fully accepted. 

He repeats Himself.

You are His child.

You are His friend.

You belong to Him.

He doesn’t limit His announcement of your security through Jesus. 

He says it again and again.

You are anointed and sealed by Him.

You cannot be separated from His love.

You are protected.

And He doesn’t restrain Himself in proclaiming the significance the

Savior has purchased for you.

You are His dwelling place.

You are His workmanship.

You are filled with His power.

See, no matter how many times I succumb to the “consumption cycle” I cannot change the truth concerning the redeemed of God.  He will not abandon me to myself.  So until my faith becomes sight and I truly possess my Promised Land,  I pray for the desire to live beyond myself and I praise Him that He wants more for me “than me.”  Girlfriend, do not settle for yourself!

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